he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
