Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Randomize
