On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
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