your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
