Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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