That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
