Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
