When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
