Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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