Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
