Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
