I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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