You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
