well I can't set my house on fire every night
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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