I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
