dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
