I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
