I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
