Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
