Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Boobs are out for the taking
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
