then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
