I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
