i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
