Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
