Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
