Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
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