Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
