I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
