ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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