The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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