the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
No stitches, just platelets and will power
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
