twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
