I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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