im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
