And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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