I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
