Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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