Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
