I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize