You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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