you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize