I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize