dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
