It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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