the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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