Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You need Xanax blowdarts
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
