from now on my penis is your penis
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
