so that wasnt chicken after all
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
