I wanna bring you to show and tell
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
