Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
