if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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