Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
