Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
