woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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