I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
