So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
