Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
