The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
