Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
