I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
