Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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