my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
