I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
