When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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