I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
When are your genitals available?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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