porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
