We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
