Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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